How would it feel to have the confidence to discuss any issue together, knowing BOTH of you will be HEARD .........?
The reality is ... that's not the way it is right now, is it?
- Have you stopped noticing the vibrant sparkle in each other's eyes?
- Are you avoiding having those deep conversations together?
- Are you dreading coming home every day?
- Do you find you no longer look forward to dining out together?
- Are you preoccupied with disturbing thoughts about your future together?
- Is the smartphone an obsessive third party in your relationship?
- Are TV programs excuses for not talking together?
- Are your hobbies/sports your hiding places or distractions?
- Do you disagree about your children's issues?
And here's the BIG One!
Have you been struggling to HEAR EACH OTHER?
How many times have you said to each other: You're not listening to me!
Do you lack the confidence to discuss topics you should be able to talk about together?
Have you noticed you are nitpicking and arguing over silly insignificant things you never did before?
- Do you now find that no matter what either of you say to each other, it gets misunderstood or misconstrued?
- Have you had thoughts like: "I don't know what to say anymore because no matter what I say it's wrong?!"
- Have you ever wondered if it's worth even trying to talk to each other because it ends up with you both arguing?
- When you talk, you talk AT each other, not WITH each other.
- The man inherently wants to fix things and the woman feels and carries the emotional aspects of the issues, but can't articulate how she feels.
- Have you come to the end of your patience with each other yet?
When you read through these different points, you could wonder if it's worth the emotional investment to work together to resolve them? This is really frustrating, isn't it?
Here's the thing: This issue about your differences is by design, and when properly understood, they become your wonderful balance!
Points To Consider
- It's very easy to stand in judgment of the opposite gender and point out the obvious differences as we are created differently, by design.
- If you are a man, when faced with difficulties in life, you instinctively search for answers to fix things or find reasons, because that's the way you are created.
- If you are a woman, you instinctively feel life and have difficulty articulating emotional information. That is the way you are created.
- Because you are both created differently, you therefore view life and the issues of life through different lenses. This becomes the area of frustration.
- When you consider the above statements, what are the clues waiting for you to find in the poem?
Maybe the following 2 reasons are why you don't believe it's worth making the emotional investment?
1 - You have lost heart and normalized the issues needing to be addressed, or they have become bigger than Ben Hur and just too hard to address.
2 - The inconvenience of hiring professional help and also believing you need this help has also become too hard and you don't know where to start.
When you lose heart a domino effect begins. Your thoughts become inundated with negativity and for all these reasons, there is no solution.
My focus for You
I have observed a positive trend within relationships which can occur at work or at home. When 2 people sincerely want to understand each other, this mutual attitude creates a unique connection to work together and understand each other. From this platform of wanting to hear each other and reason together, the relationship can then be built. Any issues which come up can be discussed, and an understanding established.
How would it feel to establish a predictable and doable process for reversing all these challenges and creating a vibrant, supportive environment in your marriage?
- The aim is to encourage an atmosphere of communication to encourage you to talk with each other. I don't mean discussing the weather or the dog! It's about sharing issues of the heart. Ultimately, your conversations will become deeper and you will then be able to discuss more meaningful topics with confidence.
- After you reach this understanding, we will progress to the next level of analysis and break it into bite-sized pieces to be addressed. This will cause fresh confidence which will develop between you and sensitivity towards each other. Just like working out the Rubik Cube, you will get better as you practice it.
- We will work through a series of stages to establish the platform for you both to grow and express yourselves, which will become the benchmark for you to work with going forward. Imagine being able to discuss sensitive issues in the future with confidence?
I will now introduce my weekly call "Communicating To Be Understood" with Lloyd Portman
Communication is the ability to articulate our thoughts and feelings with each other. Our ability to do this and be heard and understood is complex, however there are some basic principles when applied will simplify this process.
The important components we focus on.
Learn the difference between male and female communication skills and the attributes and intricacies of each. This alone will help you understand the frustrations of being misunderstood.
Your Listening Skills
We all have two ears, but we have other ears to listen and hear with. You will learn how to activate these ears and listen with more accuracy and consideration.
How do YOU Hear?
Learn how to be attentive and listen to each other. Listening is a skill you will learn quickly once you understand the accepted quote. "We either listen to speak or listen to hear".
How do YOU Talk?
Learn to analyze your conversation style. Here's a clue. Does your conversation take the format of a question-answer one, rather than one which flows back and forth? Question; do you speak AT or WITH each other?
Are YOU Being Heard?
Learn the skills to be heard. This skill is extremely rewarding when you apply it within your relationship. Your relationship will dramatically change and naturally become deeper as you actively practice this.
Are YOU Vulnerable?
You will learn how to be wiser, more vulnerable, and transparent. The more you hear each other, your confidence will grow to share more deeply. A man once told me his wife had waited for 40 yrs to tell him something he needed to hear. They both now enjoy a transformed relationship together.
Something Special You Will Learn .......
I was once asked an unusual question which I have pondered on for many months and still do today. I will share this question with you and the ongoing implications of it as well.
The answer to this question will help your communication skills in every situation.
Here's where we discuss the missing links to enhance your communication.
This weekly call will change your perspective and help you find doable solutions that will work for you both.
- The purpose here is to share how to care for yourself and each other, using simple techniques of mutual respect and appreciation. By learning these principles, you will establish a platform that will reward you for the rest of your life.
- Doing this with the steps I teach you will help you be more self-reliant. This will prompt you to make self-adjustments and monitor your situation.
- How would it feel to have the confidence to self-monitor and be open and transparent with each other about any situation, without fearing judgment or condemnation?
- The saying being on the same page is the ultimate dream or desire, but what would you think about being on the same sentence, or better still on the same word? This is possible and the evidence will show in your progress after applying these principles to your communication.
- Remember the wonderful dreams you first enjoyed together? We can reignite these from the now flagging embers to a blazing fire again. Your natural next step would be you would want to discuss your challenges together and support each other through them so these dreams can now be fulfilled. This could be the very thing your relationship needs?!
The weekly call comprises of a group call every Monday at 3 pm EST where I will teach a relevant subject and do Q+A at the end. Usually, the calls take an hour or so and will have attached notes and homework.
I don't believe in giving you too much information each time we meet because it needs to be applied and put into practice. This is not a theory class, it's giving practical steps with how-to examples. Everything will be recorded and available in the member's area.
Here is a tip for you, so you can receive the most beneficial help from the calls. Please, will you listen to each session together with your spouse? There is an important reason I say this.
Each of you will have a different take on the information given, consequently you will hear the information from that perspective. If you listen together and then discuss each session, you will collectively understand far more about each other which will lead to greater understanding together.
I am continuously amazed at the way people evaluate and understand these principles. When listening together to the subjects together, this provokes more conversation between them. This is very healthy because it can expose any triggers, then more conversation will flow from it.
In my personal experience, sometimes a situation arises, and it's brushed over because of the difficulty of articulating the damage it has caused. When this happens, the issue remains a sticking point and needs further explanation. This is an important point when dealing with Elephants in the room! You will both know when they have left the room as the emotional atmosphere is cleared.
Here's the thing; Being able to discuss anything with each other, to be heard and understood, is the ultimate pinnacle any relationship aspires to. Would you agree?
What price do couples pay for not being able to hear and understand each other?
The price for this group call is
You may cancel any time
How would it feel to have the confidence to discuss any issue together, knowing BOTH of you will be HEARD .........?
Let's remove the Elephant from the room and create a VIBRANT SUPPORTIVE environment?
Imagine having this to look forward to.
This will CHANGE the way you both communicate without having to pay for an expensive therapist or a mediator.
Here's an example: Today has been a tough day at work and it's time to drive home. In the past, you were unsure how you would be greeted. You are a little sensitive, as your day at work has had some challenges. Have you ever experienced this?
You dream about arriving home and being greeted in an understanding supportive environment and today you will receive exactly what you dream of.
How would it feel to ACHIEVE these GOALS?
To be able to COMMUNICATE and BOTH be HEARD?
Transforming YOUR LUKEWARM RELATIONSHIP and CREATE A VIBRANT LOVING HOME ENVIRONMENT for you both to enjoy?
Here's the Summary ............
Relationships have some significant twists and turns which result in either happy or dysfunctional outcomes. When the changes and adjustments each may have to make or put up with, start impacting, there are consequences. Communication is a subject we all talk about but unfortunately struggle to do. Behavior patterns become normalized because dealing with them is a bigger problem.
"As human beings, we are far more sensitive than we ever care to admit!"
Solutions are always found in our abilities to communicate how we feel rather than what we think. This weekly call "Communicating To Be Understood" will take you on a journey to discover your communication skills with each other. You will learn how to establish basic principles in your relationship, which will protect you both without needing a therapist.
# Learn the differences between Male and female communication styles.
# We all have 2 ears. Learning how to activate both will take your listening skills to the next level.
# How well do you listen? Learn some secrets which are not secret.
# Do you speak AT or With each other? Find out which works best and how to apply it.
# Learn the skills to be heard.
# Wisely develop your vulnerability and transparency with confidence to grow and share more deeply.
This weekly call is a group meeting for 1+ hrs call on Mondays @ 3 pm EST. You will receive training on an appropriate topic and there will be time for your questions.
The goal here is to encourage an atmosphere of communication, to start you both talking. I don't mean discussing the weather or the dog! It's about sharing issues of the heart.
Your confidence to discuss the deeper issues of the heart will grow and ultimately nothing cannot be discussed. The skills you will learn here will equip you for any meaningful discussion at work or at home.
This will cost you $97.00/month and you may cancel anytime
I met Lloyd in early August 2018. I was recently separated and we formed a relationship over the course of a couple of days, as I constructed a new fence for him. As I shared my situation with him, I was impressed at the lack of well-meaning advice, constructive criticism or empty platitudes. But instead found a person who listened and had empathy for the total train wreck of my life. Someone who always had an ear to listen.
The first piece of gold that he provided for me was “ that I was in a process and everyone’s process is different”. There was no magic pill or plan that worked for all. unlike anything else, I had ever heard. He let me find my personal way through all my own self-doubt, mistakes and revaluations of the motivating negativity that directed every decision and response I had made. The things that ultimately led me to the point of total wretchedness (that was in my head). Not knowing what was right or wrong and not being able to make any decision because of the conflicting arguments.
He supported me through my acknowledgment of all I’d done wrong, provided insight as I strived for the reason for my actions. And encouraged me when I started to accept myself for who I was. All without that "well-meaning advice, constructive criticism or empty platitudes". Helping me get to a point of not only liking but loving the person in the mirror.
Throughout my whole process of healing, Lloyd seemed to have an in-depth understanding of not only male but also female perceptions and expectations of relationships.
I am so thankful for the input Lloyd has had in my learning about myself as I not only gained an understanding of perceived good or bad but in me coming into a mind of total positivity. Realizing that in all situations, there is good for me. Thank you, Lloyd and I hope that you continue to make positive input into many other's journeys of healing.
Melissa (Life Coach) - As a coach, Lloyd is a keen listener and his counsel is always right on point. I am moved by his passion for writing and reaching people’s hearts through his writing. He is also very adept in communication and can help anyone transcend their relationship, so they can have more meaningful relations with the ones that they love. I highly recommend Lloyd’s writings and his coaching for anyone who is looking for that heart to heart connection from a coach who is genuine, approachable and highly competent.
Lloyd has an innate and acute awareness of human nature:- He picks up on emotional stress and is able to understand and articulate the worries/concerns of others who don't have the skills to express themselves properly. He is able, through his poems, to zero in on a state of mind or a train of thought and clears away the cobwebs so the reader can see the straight path ahead. He is a very good listener - a rare talent.
Mary Maxwell (My Proofreader)
Award-winning New Zealand Artist (simonkramerfineart.com)
Lloyd Portman is a relentless encourager who has developed a unique ability to write poetry that can connect with people profoundly. He has always been a person who wants to see what is going on behind the obvious. Lloyd is focused on helping people up. He has been involved in many businesses over the years, ranging from forestry through farming, building, and retail. And now works on the internet developing products that improve people's relationships and bring richness to their lives.
Some of my story
When I was working in the mines in Australia, depending on our roster, we spent from 1 to 4 weeks away from our families. During that time I observed some disturbing trends which happened to relationships with my colleagues. After relatively few rosters, couples became more independent and removed from their interdependence they were accustomed to. This trend became acceptable to couples because of the potential to earn far more money in the mines.
Here's the thing, these trends became normalized and because of the increased income, the money replaces the relationship. During the time at work, I discussed the issues with the men individually and was able to offer some tips to help them. The men who took action and applied these principles saw amazing transformations to their relationships and families. One of them retired from the mines after realizing he didn't need the job. He was using the job to hide in the mines because he didn't know how to deal with his home life!
Another time I met a man who came to build a new boundary fence for us. We worked together for the day and he shared his problems as he needed someone to hear and support him. Phil shares his testimony above.
Meet Lloyd ......
I am passionate about discovering the issues of the heart, and this is how I relate meaningfully with people. Speaking from the Heart and TO the Heart is how I define myself.
I was brought up as a city boy then trained and studied to become a Farmer. I love the outdoors and being around nature and animals. I have always been a practical person and have had many and varied jobs and experiences.
These include Farming, Building Houses, Driving Trucks and Cranes, Welding, Working in the mines in Australia, being a Shop owner. I also pastored a church and was involved in overseas ministry during this time. I now coach and write self-help books and many genres of poetry.
During my pastoring years, I was involved in much counseling where I discovered some unique approaches to moving people forward out from their problems. I keenly observe people's behavior patterns and what drives them.
During my pastoring years, I had an encounter with God, who taught me to write poetry. I now share and incorporate all these experiences, to enhance my coaching and writing.
I live in the city of Christchurch in the South Island of New Zealand. I am 71 years young, married, and healthy, and have a deep desire to use all my experiences and gifts to enhance or change people's lives.