Everyone needs a coach to help them through times when they are either stuck or having difficulty navigating the issues of life. Engaging a coach during these times is not a sign of weakness as some may think, rather it’s a sign of strength expressed in humility.
Coaching is not just another layer of how-to information to add on to the heap we already have! We are all obese with information overload, yet are starving for the missing link.
The bottom line is we need the implementation to put all the information we have into practice. An experienced coach will firstly investigate the issue then sensitively lay out the steps and oversee the functional implementation of them. A coach who has been in the same shoes as the client is able to wisely share insight to move forward at the appropriate time. Here’s the thing about real coaching; when the client has the AHA themselves, the coach has done the job.
True implementation isn’t the coach overseeing the spoon-fed steps, it’s the coach listening for the AHA’S! One cannot fabricate an AHA, you either get it or not. It’s not a fake it till you make it situation either. A great coach listens and can be likened to a Conductor, listening always to the beat and rhythm of the orchestra. Timing is always of the essence and the essence predicates the AHA.
Good coaching will teach the client to read the atmosphere of the situation and teach how to hear the self-adjusting prompts which pop up. Some clients who reach out for a coach may not be able to define exactly what they need. A client needs a coach who is understanding, nonjudgmental and able to empathize with the client and their issues and be astute and ‘on duty’ as the situation changes.
As the coach listens for the AHA’s, the coach waits to hear more. The coach listens for the implementation of the AHA so it becomes embedded and put into action. This is critical to coaching becoming part of the client’s habits rather than just more information. These results are the expectations of both coach and client.
My specialty and passion is Coaching Relationships and Communication. I teach and engage clients on different levels and formats of this well talked about subject. I invite you to explore my different offers and find a good fit for you so we can take the next step for you to have your transformational results.
There is a new language of sayings slowly creeping in to replace the language of the last generation. This differentiates the old language and gives it a modern fashion look. I guess the question which needs to be asked is the relevance of the replacing words of this new language. What do they really mean and are these new words appropriate in their settings? For example, being present in a conversation are the new words for paying attention, which is the old way our mother taught us.
Knowing we can be present in the body doesn’t mean we are present in our mind and concentrating on the discussion. Being old school, I prefer the one my mother taught me not because I am old school. I believe paying attention prompts us to listen and focus on the conversation rather than just being there in bodily form and appearing to be present. I am always frustrated when talking to someone who is preoccupied with their thoughts and just not there! One can be present, but are they listening?
That’s the keyword, listening. Communication takes place on multiple levels. The true test of our ability to pay attention is surely measured by our listening skills. I definitely prefer ‘paying attention’ to ‘being present’ because it really describes the actions of our listening skills. Then the new questions are, what did you hear and how did you hear it?
Are you Listening and are you Hearing me
If we take this another step and use the term metaphorically then paying attention comes with a price tag. If you are paying attention hopefully you won’t have to pay the price of not paying attention! Our English language is so beautiful to play with.
The play on words I have used here is more than just that. The truth is that Paying Attention is critical and hindsight teaches this regularly. I would be dishonest with you if I didn’t confess the many times it has happened to me. Have you ever thought about the value of its currency? This is the real cost of NOT PAYING ATTENTION. For example, lost opportunities feature very highly on this currency list.
One problem hindsight has is we don’t learn from it, we think we do and that’s what snares us. Often those little prompts or nudges we get when we are minding our own business, are what we miss. Paying attention is listening to those nudges and following or investigating them. Ask yourself the question – How many times have you heard the nudge or prompt and thought about it? Only to dismiss it as being too hard or not for you at this time, then discover down the road you missed an opportunity! You, then kick yourself for not taking action with it when it was for you?
You are not alone, so don’t beat yourself up about it as only honest people will confess to doing the same. With the wisdom of hindsight, the real challenge is to follow up on the hunch, nudge or prompt, even if it leads you to a dead end.
By taking this action you eliminate not acting on the prompt, but as you take these small steps to obey the prompts you start a new habit. This will deal with hindsight because even if the thought comes to a dead end, it can’t accuse you of not taking action.
Quote: Memories fade . . . Ink Lasts
Recently I read this quote Memories fade . . . Ink Lasts and I started thinking about how significant this quote is. I have not been able to find where this quote came from and when reading it again, the question I ask is . . . Really?
Fading memories we are told, are a condition of aging and the inference is correct. When I discussed this with the aging people in my circle I discovered important memories are never forgotten. They can be recalled instantly and with exciting explanations as if they happened most recently.
I decided to write these poems to define the truth about the reality of the quote.
There is something about an AHA moment that is indelible. When we have one, it’s like a row of dominoes being set off, such is the chain reaction. The AHA seems to connect all the dots together and inspires the receiver to run with it. How could an AHA be forgotten when written on the heart? An AHA is registered on the face, in the voice and in the energy of the receiver. Often it’s a culmination of events which when remonstrated with, leads to the final revelation. The second part of the quote has a different impact.
Ink Lasts . . .
When one receives a card or letter of significance, somehow the fact it is written and meaningful thought has gone into it, makes it special. Usually, this inked message is stored in a special place, known only to you and can be referred to as often as you need.
It doesn’t matter if you are Male or Female, your special place for your significant treasures is only known by you. Our heart is the ultimate treasury and storehouse of these special occasions. These memories of those times will always be instant and maybe a visit to the inked version is warranted to refresh the accuracy of what was said.
In this world of constant negative propaganda, an encouraging word or card is a welcomed relief. So many people suffer from low self-image for all sorts of reasons and struggle to even love themselves. When was the last time you received such a card or letter and what did it do for you?
Here’s a challenge for you which may seem a bit stupid but I dare you to accept! Why not write a card or a letter and post it to yourself and think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy which you work towards fulfilling?
Think about it. What would you write on the card? Here’s another tip, maybe a letter will be better because a card is too restrictive? Imagine you are writing your own obituary of what you would love to have spoken about your life and character?
Memories and Ink are a great combination as both can be referred to. Even through dimmed eyes, the specific details can be revisited. If you are up for the challenge and commit to writing to yourself this will be your roadmap. How often do you listen to the discussions you have with yourself? Are they negative or positive?
Communication skills; a subject often talked about. I asked a question written in the second poem; are your words inked on the pages of Hearts? Are your own significant words, just out there or, written on your own heart?
Memories and Ink, are the power of 2 forming the roadmap of your past, present, and future. How about writing something significant to your spouse or a close friend on any non-special day, not their birthday. Communicate something to them midst all the negativity?
Don’t forget to send one to yourself!
Everyone is aware of the present crisis which relationships have been trending towards. When dining out on any occasion the common scene as we look around are of people incessantly on their phones. They are called smartphones. They are very smart but unfortunately at the expense of our important relationships.
I hereby propose a new law which must be adopted in every Restaurant in every country of the world. This would be smartphones should be handed in at the reception desk and given back as the bill is paid! The fine for not doing so is you pay 3x your meal cost! Of course, each Restaurant would have to install an electronic phone detector device to keep everyone honest. Is this worthy of a debate?
How does it feel when you are trying to have a conversation with someone who is not listening, indifferent, not present and NOT interested? Your words come back to you and slap you in the face! There are so many distractions out there, many of them are very entertaining, hence our attention is drawn to them. This also exposes our issues regarding how we value our relationship with the person we are relating to. When you see a couple in love it’s a different story. They talk so much they need a referee to enable them to have equal time sharing!
When was the last time you and your spouse or significant other were out for dinner and talked like you did when you first met? Be really honest and answer the question to yourself as you read this. Sometimes we need the in your face harsh truth, to admit to being in the place we have now arrived at.
If our relationships are so boring that we need our smartphones to enhance our meeting times, then questions must be seriously asked about the quality of them. There is much evidence now documented about relationship quality. Stress and sickness result from poor quality relationships, yet often we are the ones who can address this but we lack perseverance.
How refreshing is it when you catch up with an old friend and you both are wanting to talk and ask questions of each other? Catching up on the last ten years in a two-hour coffee engagement is difficult and the coffee always goes cold! One can only share the highlights during these times. Isn’t it exciting when someone actually wants to know what you have done over the last ten years?
Never in the history of humanity have we been so technologically connected but emotionally disabled because of it. The strangest thing about this is the flipside of it. We can share and enhance our relationships so much more with each other because of the technology. The missing key to real relationships is our sincerity.
Probably the most significant aspect of life we may not want to admit to is, we can only count the maximum of real genuine friendships on one hand. These are those whom we pick up with automatically on the last sentence of our last conversation. The icing on the cake is if one of those you count on your hand is, your significant other!
Communication skills are an absorbing topic for ongoing conversation. The fact is we don’t communicate very well in spite of having the most sophisticated technology and tools at our disposal. Our verbal skills have been replaced with technology and social media icons to acknowledge our fellows.
I am sure you are aware of the way your children ‘talk’ to their friends by texting them when sitting across from them in a room. It can probably be compared with being in a lift where people seem to be sworn not to speak as they enter. Accept from saying which floor they choose that’s about the only conversation I have ever experienced anywhere I have traveled.
Conversation has in many cases has been reduced to questions and answers. You ask a question then receive an answer and rarely any flow between you. Where will this go to and where will it end up?
I find it a most refreshing encounter when I am able to engage in a real conversation that flows on from the beginning question. I believe technology will take us full circle. People will want to come back to community and have more meaningful relationships, where they engage with each other at a deeper level.
Conversations will start to break the uncanny commuter silence and people will start to smile at each other again. There will also be a desire to have conversations again because they have experienced the loneliness isolation produces.
I remember a time when the town I lived in experienced a disaster. The town was situated at the base of a mountain and had a stable population of about 3500 people. After an extended wet season, one night we had a downfall of 12 inches of rain. This rainfall caused huge damage to the mountain and into the town as it washed houses away, took out the town’s water supply and also 4 people’s lives.
The army was sent in to help assist with security and coordinate repairs and movements while the locals got on with the cleanup. What amazed me was the tremendous comradery and cooperation the whole town adopted. People opened up their houses for those displaced and sincerely cared for each other. Communication between everyone was open and friendly with strangers talking to each other as if they had been friends for years!
I am sorry to say this but after a month or so the town was restored and people reverted back into themselves again as if nothing had happened! How sad. I almost went out and had some tee shirts made with the caption “Let’s have a Disaster every month – THEN we will share our Love and care for each other”!
The sad truth is disastrous events bring people together to care in practical ways. Not just practicality but emotional support as well. The trauma of the event not only smashes our properties it smashes down the walls between us. No matter what the need is we truly start to care for those in shock, even the animals.